…oh, hey! What! Dave, is that you? Yeah? What day is it? Saturday. Saturday? What do you mean, I’ve been in here a week? I have? I don’t remember…. I did number four or five the other week and I… you know, it was the other week, wasn’t it? It’s too f…. I was in here for a couple of days then. Eh? What do you mean, stop pissing in the corner? Well if you’d let me out of this f’king room I wouldn’t have to piss in the corner, would I? You’re lucky I didn’t take a laxitive or something like that! In fact I ain’t had no nookie… I ain’t had no… none of the other, or anything like that for a week! …(unintelligible)… Wot? I know, yeah allright, I know Rod said «get it done, at any cost». Well there, that’s going a bit too far, isn’t it. Oh, oh no…. tape’s rolling! You… tosspot! Anyway! Well in that case, what’ho you lot out there!
Hah! Jesus, you heard that didn’t ya? Eh? Well I’m sorry you had to hear all this business, he started running that tape…. I’ve just been
sitting in here on my own, being variously…. twiddling various parts of the body, thinking about what’s going on. And he’s run that fricking tape!
Welcome to Nicko’s Not Alot Of People Know That, Part 7! You lucky, indespically lucky, debauched! Oooooh, you’ve got your hands on Running Free, Sanctuary,Murders in the Mooo Rooooga… oah, The Rue Morgue, all live! Not only that but you’ve got a bumper package of serious songs…. live! Goodness! Released the 23rd of September 1985, and they got to a chart position of number 19. Hmmm… Not alot of people remember that. But, I do! Cause I played on them! Hah! Si! Now look, Murders in the Rue…. Oh by the way, you’ve got on the other side of that lovely little package in your hands, you’ve got Run To The Hills, Phantom Of The Opera, and Losfer Words, or in other words Big ‘Orra! Ah! Now, however you want to pronounce it, «BIG ORRA» or «big orra», you know, Losfer Words will do. That little lot was released 2nd of December 1985, and it’s chart position was number 26. So stuff it again, where… you know where, or whatever you like. Put it where you want, I don’t care as long as you grease it first… very sore if you don’t.
Now! The first two tracks, as we’ve said, Running Free and Sanctuary, were recorded at Long Beach. And I was there, so was Dave, Adrian, Steve, and Bruce. Haha! Good job too, or else we’d have had a piece of black vinyl! Mmmm. So. Now, these gigs we did were at Long Beach, and they were all sold out. Mmm hmmm, the very first and only… well maybe not only, but we were the first and only band at that particular point in time to sell out four nights in a row at the Long Beach arena in Los f’king Angeles. Somewhere close anyway, a stone’s throw down the road. Nevertheless! Powerslave tour! Hmmmm. By the way, Running Free… the photograph on the front of this single was by a man none other than Ross Halfing. He upstaged Derek Riggs for this one. Riggsy, hmmm, he didn’t do any artwork cause Halfing did the photograph. And that, so the only shot of the band, live shot on any one of the singles we’ve ever had and ever probably will. So, not alot of people know that. Now you do, so! What a useless piece of trivia that is.
Nevertheless! Uhhh, yes, what was I saying? Uhh, Running Free, Sanctuary, Murders…. you lucky lot! As I said, Run To The Hills, Phantom, and Losfer Words. Two songs right there, Murders and Losfer Words, you will not have heard anywhere else, even on the Live After Death offering, because it is not recorded on the vinyl, CD, or video. Now you are very lucky, double-bubble so, because you have got this stuff in your hands. Uuuh! Yes. Talking of which, the fourth side of the Live After Death, Wrathchild, 22 Acacia Avenue, Children Of The Damned, Die With Your Boots On, or whatever you like, and Phantom Of The Opera. All on the extra fourth side, or… not on the extra fourth side, I mean you’ve got two frigging albums you dummy, you’ve got two sides a piece, haven’t you, you fool! I mean, it’s not like your going to have five sides to an album, is it? Silly billy… Anyway, fourth side… only recorded on the album. Mmmm Hmmm! Good stuff!
You see. Lauren, I mean, I’m sorry… Lorraine, sorry Lorr. Lorraine… ‘Arry Harris, bomber Harris, Mrs. Bomber Harris, was expecting ‘Arry Harris’…. Mrs. Bomber Harris’ first nipper. You see! So! She was… the call of nature was coming and descending rather swiftly, so Steve and I… poor old codger, he didn’t want to fly all on his own… you know he doesn’t like flying, I dunno if I told you about that, he hates it doesn’t he?
So, having all the experience of the (unintelligible) behind me, I said to Steve, «well look here, why don’t I come back with you?» I mean, I like a couple of weeks in Jersey. So Steve and I flew out of Miami to London Heathrow, and it was a Sunday… well, it was a Saturday when we left Miami, it was a Sunday morning when we arrived. So, we got absolutely f’king smashed to smithereens on the plane, right! Get’s off the plane, staggers through customs, «Allright, excuse…» oh no, he says, (east Indian accent) «could you please excuse me, would you come over here,» this guy said to Steve Harris, and he’s going… he looked at me, he said «what did I f’king tell you?» He said, «I f’king tell you, everytime I go through the f’king customs… I’m the straightest one out of the band, I don’f f’king smoke…I», well he does drink, but uh, whatever. You know. (unintelligible)… all the fricking time, Murphy’s Law, there he is, custom’s man…. «What, please… come over here please, where have you just come from?» ‘Arry’s going, «Whoah look, f’king not that it’s any of your business!» Well no, he didn’t say that but, I mean he shoulda done. And he would have probably got in… got out of there quicker! Anyway, he didn’t. So the guy said, «what do you have in this here bag?» And ‘Arry said, «it’s a f’king video, what do you think it is, what does it look like?» «Where did you get this from?» He said, «Oh, I f’king don’t know, I got it in the States somewhere.» «Do you have a f’king reciept?» ‘Arry said, «I f’king don’t!» «Oooh, goodness! I have you! You are nicked, at that proverbially up the creek shit with the paddle now!» And I said, allright frigging what am I gonna do now? So he’s standing there, an hour and a half goes by! I’m… no, it wasn’t quite an hour now, I lie, I kid you not though, it was about one hour fifteen minutes, cause I timed him! You know, I dunno when I started, I know I was pretty close. Because, as you know boys and girls, the liscensing laws in England permit…. prevent you from having a liquid libation after two o’clock in the morning, I mean in the afternoon… and the morning. But, we wanted to make it to the pub to have a pint of real bear, because we’d been starved, we’d been eating them… drinking them poof drinks down in Nassau, which I told you all about, remember? By the way, it was Nassau Bahamas and not Jersey where the Traveller’s rest was, see!
So, there we were, standing at customs an hour fifteen minutes. I said… he comes out, he going «I f’king don’t believe this,» he said, «did you see what that geezer was asking?» I said «well, no, I just saw your feet underneath.» I kept looking, I thought they’d run away with him, I was gonna call out the dog’s and everything. You know, get on the phone with the lawyer… ‘Arry’s been arrested or something. We could… he was standing there hour and fifteen minutes. So we gets in the limo, mind you we got to go to Gatwick to get a plane to Jersey. So we thought, we’ve got enough time to stop off in the proverbial boozer. So we said, yeah, fair enough. So the limo guy’s going «I dunno if you’re going to make this,» it was like 1 o’clock when we left Heathrow. So I says, «Yes we will, if you put your boot to that… down to the floor, we can get down to the pub.» So we did, we got to the Devonshire Arms, just on the (unintelligible) round-about, down there on the old A-4. So, we pops in there, had a quick swift half… then it was a pint… then it was a pint and a half…. then it was two… they were all in one pint glasses mind you. ‘Arry’s on the phone with the wife, «Got here allright,» he says, ten past one. So we, you know… twenty past two, hahaha, we got a four o’clock plane to catch at Glas… at uh Glasgow, uuhh you wish… at Gatwick, see? Guy says, «I think you’d better leave if you’re gonna make the plane.» I says, (drunken voice) «ok… can I take a beer with us, gov’nor?» This guy, Michael and his wife, I don’t know, they’re not there anymore. So he says, «yeah look, take one of these flaggons… one of them little flaggons, they’ve got four and a half pints of beer in it, you know, little plastic jobs, take… carry that.» So we got in this car, proceeded to go to Gatwick. Got on the plane to Jersey, gets on the plane and opens up this bottle, don’t we. The pair of us, sitting right at the back of this 727, or whatever it was, DC-9. There we are, gargling back the old liquid nectar. Girl comes up and says «I’m sorry, you can’t do that!» We said, «F’king too bad! Watcha gonna do, throw us off?» She said, «I’ll f’king have you arrested!» We said, «Go ahead!
We’re having our drink anyway.» We’d already finished half by this… we were ‘faced! Gets off at Jersey…. yes, you guessed it! God done over by customs, the pair of us, didn’t we? So there we are standing there, «Hello hello hello! What you been up to, you naughty boys?» «We just had a couple of beers on the plane, gov’ner.» «Yeah, well, that took you a little bit of time to get pissed, it’s only an hour flight…» «But we… we got on the plane in Miami!» Hah! «Ok,» he says, «let’s have a look in your bags.» So, we got turned over again. That night, we carried on drinking, a whole 24 or 48 hours worth of boozing. ‘Arry comes home… I left, I threw the towl in at 12 midnight, I couldn’t handle it. We went to this place called Loberts in Jersey, man we got ‘faced there, I mean we was gone when we got there. So I’ve given… thrown the towel in at 12 o’clock. Harris came back, must have been about half past two in the f’king morning, how he done it I’ve no idea. Five thirty, «oh God, gotta have a word with the gov’ner on the big white telephone, I’ll be back in a minute.» Two hours later, poor bloke he was green. I got up, I felt terrible, I says «Yeah, what’s the matter with you?» «What do you f’king think?» He said, «What do you think?» I said, «aah, you ain’t too well are ya?»
Three days later… three days later, this is the first week of July by the way folks. About three or four days later… we must have got there around the 30th of June. Anyway, what a great ending, Steve got rid of his hangover, he get’s a phone call from the wife, «I’m having it! I’m having it!» «Ok, I’ll be right there!» Oh, he hops to the airport, gets on a plane, and uh, it was July the 6th actually, not alot of people know that, but Lauren, his very first daughter… he’s got three daughters now… uh uhh and uhh and uhh… she was born, I don’t know what time in the day, but he got there allright and he was at the birth. And of course he’s not looked back… looked back ever since. So, there you go… there’s a little story from that period of time. I’ve got to go… I’ve got to go, I really do mean this, I’ve… (farting noise)… Jeez, I’ll see ya.